Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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