literally had 100 drinks last night.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
