I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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