talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize