found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
