Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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