Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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