Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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