I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
