All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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