my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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