Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
