they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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