when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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