Swine flu. Run for my life!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
