..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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