so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
