Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
