I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
