3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
