I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
