I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She just used a chaser for red wine.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
