Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
what day is it and did you see me today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I woke up under a house in Key West
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