i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
