Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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