How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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