he puts the penis in happiness.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
