I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
