the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
