I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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