tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
