I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize