Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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