I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
