Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
