Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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