When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
