but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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