He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
