just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
