It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
