i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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