roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
