i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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