My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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