called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
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The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
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He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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