I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
