Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
