Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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