Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
