is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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