I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
