is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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