Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
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My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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