May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
