One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
