Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
