In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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