After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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