is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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