what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Someone shattered a urinal.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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