So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
