she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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