I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
