its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
