I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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