So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
