yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
