My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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