so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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