I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
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I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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