is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
