she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
